the magic number. This year I will be graduating college. Finally. I will be hopefully driving, or saving for a car, moving back with parents or going on a new adventure elsewhere. I will be visiting guatemala as well as the west coast and soaking up every moment possible. lezdoit.
but, for now, I go back to school in a week and need to get buckled up. This past weekend was really fun. My friends asia and bianca came through to party it up and spend time with my fam we were able to make it to Roxys and Kiki’s with my cousin Elder and dance the weekend away. it was refreshing to have them over my house for my birthday, I usually invite all my family and friends but this year seemed like the most humble and genuine time amongst a tight circle. A few people were missing that I would have liked to have there, ness had just left for spain that morning, Laura had come the week before from nyc and Cindy came afterwards. Tasha and Marcela couldn’t make it but still the few around made all the difference.
Asia is still here always coming through I am too grateful for that girl I couldn’t ask for a better friend. we’ve been watching movies like submarine and shows like parks and rec and girl code. I miss having one on one time with her, I’ve always felt the most comfortable with her. I’m excited to have one more semester together before the real world, but another plan up in the air is the possibility of living together in Boston, that would be too dope.
"I told my mother we broke up"
my ex girlfriend and I had been together for 2 and a half years in college. She was the first I introduced to my parents and the first to have reciprocated genuine love towards me. We had the typical issues and doubts that eventually led to our split this past year. I was going to be moving cross country to Cali for the summer and across the globe to europe for the rest of the year. She had just graduated and was looking to find herself and her career. We dated other people debated getting back but finally at no positive conclusion we have ceased all efforts on the matter. Its been difficult to come to terms with it all since we haven’t physically seen each other in 7 months and we split via the phone so closure has not bee the best. Hence, why I hadn’t told my mom, telling her would be accepting that it was really over.
I’ve never been open to my mom about partners or relationships. She is very homophobic and never wants to hear the topic mentioned. But yesterday she found me upset in my room after having an altercation with said ex and she came in full swing, hugged me, held me and gave me the sweetest advice once I opened up to her about what had happened. She told me She knew we were’nt together because she had seen her photos on facebook with someone else and reassured me that I would be fine and to simply move on for bigger better prospects. The advice wasn’t what got to me it was the fact she was blinded to what the issue was and simply cared about my emotions and dealt with it as if it were a boyfriend she didn’t flinch at the fact I was so hurt over a woman. This took years of work, and now on my birthday, my 23rd birthday the woman I came out to and had kicked me out of my house at the age of 17 was giving me advice on the ladies and it was perfect. I cried on her, cried on her for hours not because of my broken heart, but because my heart was slowly getting filled with my mother’s unconditional love.
Its been interesting to be back home. I realize I have a problem with letting go. Im not a holiday person, not a resolution person but this happens to coincide with my individual growth this year. I have decided to try my best to be transparent and intentional in my interpersonal relationships moving forward. I want to be more vocal in my needs and doubts and focus on what I need. Communication is ever enhancing in my life and I like that about it. So continue. Past is past me. I’m not investing any more in relationships that don’t hold substance, that don’t push me forward that don’t show genuine interest in me as an individual. I have a lot of positive energy that negative people often suck dry, fuck that, fuck them.